Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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