Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
