the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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