Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
