im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
