So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
