I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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