Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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