You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
