Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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