I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
