i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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