Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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