just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
