Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
