if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
