I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
