i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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