I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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