i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
