Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
