dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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