So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
