You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
