I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
