Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
