trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize