I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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