I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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