I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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