Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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