You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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