Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i think my cat just said my name.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
