He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
