I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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