Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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