GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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