My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
