from now on my penis is your penis
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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