i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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