1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
