or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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