ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
