wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
