Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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