Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
