So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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