then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
