and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
