If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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