I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
