It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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