Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm at about main and main street
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
