May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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