He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
True strength comes from lack of pants
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
