Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
