omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
