i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
