I CAN MOONWALK!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
