If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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