Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
