ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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