Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
