Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
