dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
