Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
