do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
