y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
