I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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