we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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