Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This house was built for laser tag.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
