Cold hands, warm shart.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
