So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
