She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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