I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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